:"INERTIA CREEPS"

Summer used to be a very active time during my childhood years. Playing on tree houses, swimming in the neighborhood's pools, catching small animals or picking flowers. It didn't change that much during teenage years. Going to the beach, tanning, going to parties, meeting new people....
It was always my favorite season. That sense of endless peace, the rush of furtive encounters under a starlight sky, the fresh fruit and the smell of coconut oil on the sand. I thought it was truly a blessed time of the year.

I am not sure if this is a unique feeling to me as an individual, but it seemed that summer was special to my circle of friends as well. The new boyfriend, the part time job, swimming under the stars and getting drunk on the shore with sangria and other "poisonous" drinks.

Recently, summer became the worst season ever...maybe because I moved into a country that has a terrible summer weather, maybe because I grew up, or maybe because my circle of friends grew up...is it only me or the thought of summer as a youthful season ends with adulthood?

These days summer represents sacrifices such as enduring a crowded train with people sweating profusely around me, enduring fowl smells everywhere, enduring the fact that there are no parties to go to or that there is no time to go to them...honestly I just feel like doing nothing most of the time. I feel as inertia is creeping over me and every little thing takes an increasingly big amount of effort from my part.

I wonder if it is really true that you age according to the seasons and my sweet summer season has gone...laziness is a terrible feeling but most of all I hate having lost the hope that summer brought to me. Sometimes I feel that hope is still here when some flowers bloom at night in this country. It is one of the little things that is still connected with that sense of freedom, restlessness and endless nights.
The dream of a summer night.


:"LE SABOTAGE"

"Sabotage is a deliberate action aimed at weakening another entity through subversion, obstruction, disruption, and/or destruction. One who engages in sabotage is a saboteur." (Wikipedia)

Now, for the last decade or so, I have come to realize that me and most of my female friends are masters in sabotage techniques. Especially when it comes to our own lives and romantic affairs. Why is it, that every once in a while, we deliberately act in ways that put our happiness at risk and threaten the loss of our loved ones?

Reaching a certain level of maturity comes with the realization that there is no "Mr.Perfect" and that charming Princes can wake up one morning looking like either the "Bad Wolf "or the "Little Red Riding Hood". That realization is a perfectly good thing and being an adult means accepting this and letting it go...but it is just impossible for most of us isn't it?

Fairy Tales are just too ingrained in our minds and when we do find a man that contains the whole package, we start the game of finding the weaknesses that will provide us with reasons to deny the man and ourselves a stable relationship.

This begs the question...are we all just Drama Queens? Can't we live a relaxed life without silly fights and quarrels..? I am afraid not...if I traced a graph showing the discussions, fights and happy times of my own perfect relationship, I would probably find a pattern of scary behavior...it is my PMS, working long hours, the garbage that he didn't take out, or anything really unimportant that trickles a war of words...and then we are there...in the same situation again...the one we claim "not to like"...alone, sad, feeling sorry for ourselves and probably regretting the whole situation.

If this isn't sabotage, I wonder what is it...because it seems to me that it happens more than it should, and it seems also that it serves as a confirmation of our own feelings for the person at our side...this process of sabotaging our relationships is probably important to keep a certain balance and to find out if we really are with the right person, or with a person that really matters to us...sabotaging a date is fine, and it is definetely fine to sabotage a bad relationship...but aren't we taking ourselves too seriously in the process?

I can't stop but wondering if "Le Sabotage" won't turn against me someday and I will loose something really important.

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